“The green-eyed monster” sabotages your true self; it creeps in your relationship and like a “trojan horse” unleashes anger, fear, stress, unhappiness. In other words, it veils your true lovable self. It may drive you crazy and it will lead you to believe you are inadequate or unworthy of love. “The green-eyed monster” will harm your relationship by bringing more conflict and strife and eventually a breakup. So, why do you let it in?
From a very young age, you were taught what love should be all about; from songs, films/stories, family, friends. Your personal journey became thus challenged by your conditioning (family values, ethics, culture etc.) that weighted on your spirit and its freedom. Perhaps you never got to know what unconditional love is, perhaps you were deprived of affection, and coming into adulthood you learned to love in a “mimic-mammal-restricted way”, making “the green-eyed monster” a part of your loving. Deceived from past experiences or afraid of losing what you think is yours, you let it take a toll on you. The mind can play games and you are in no control as jealousy casts doubt upon you and your relationship with others. Jealousy is not about the other rather it is more about you.
It takes emotional maturity and most of all courage to expose your “green-eyed monster” and tackle your emotions. Now, you stand in front of an opportunity for personal growth; there is nothing more liberating and empowering than removing all these negative layers from your true self. Acknowledge you are feeling jealous and you render this feeling powerless. Demeaning as jealousy may be, it may also become a good reason to better understand yourself. Do not rush, do it with compassion. First, assess your past experiences: insecurities underly jealousy. Then assess your relationship and instead of fear, choose trust. Ask for forgiveness from the relationship and yourself for letting “the green-eyed monster” convincing you that you are not good enough, misleading you to feel threatened. You are unique in your way. You have nothing to fear and you have nothing to lose. Do you know why? Simply because love is not about possessing. You will not lose anyone just because you do not own anyone but you will probably lose someone because of jealousy. When “the green-eyed monster” creeps in, it indoctrinates your “self-righteousness” in love, leaving the door open to your “entitlements”. Guess what? Love has nothing to do neither with “entitlements” over someone nor with “calculating”. It is more about being, being true to you and letting the other person in your life see your true colours. Only then love comes, unobstructed, flowing out of you and in you. Because after all, life is love and love is you.
(The first time Shakespeare uses a derivative of the term ‘green-eyed monster’ is in his play The Merchant of Venice. But in the following excerpt he uses ‘green-eyed jealousy’ instead. He’s not turned jealousy into a beast just yet. )
How all the other passions fleet to air,
As doubtful thoughts, and rash-embraced despair,
And shuddering fear, and green-eyed jealousy! O love,
Be moderate; allay thy ecstasy,
In measure rein thy joy; scant this excess.
I feel too much thy blessing: make it less,
For fear I surfeit.